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Zuo Fen's Birthday. When Zuo Fen woke day was well advanced into the Horse hour. In her darkened room a frame of the brightest light pulsed around the shuttered window.

A breeze of scents from her herb garden brought sage, motherwort and lovage to cleanse the confined air, what remained of his visit, those rare aromatic oils from a body freed from its robes. Turning her head into the pillow that odour of him embraced her once more as in the deepest and most prolonged kiss , when with no space to breathe passion displaces reason in the mind.

She has submitted herself to enter yet again that persona of the young concubine taken from her family to serve that community from which there seems no escape. I was born in a humble, isolated, thatched house, And was never well-versed in writing. I never saw the marvellous pictures of books, Nor had I heard of the classics of ancient sages.

I am dim-witted, humble and ignorant, But was mistakenly placed in the Purple Palace. He kneels beside her, gradually opening his ringed hand wide on her gowned thigh, then closing, then opening.

A habit: an affectation. His head is bent in an obeisance he has no need to make, only, as he desires her he does this, so she knows this is so.

She is prepared, as always, to act the part, or be this self she has opened to him, in all innocence at first, then in quiet delight that this is so and no more.

The rhapsody is a fork in the road. It pictures appearance with a brilliance akin to sculpture or painting. It depicts the commonplace with unbounded charm. as you are, dearest poet. Over the years since he took her maidenhead, brusquely, with the impatience of his station, and she, on their second encounter deflowered him in turn with her poem about the pleasure due to woman, they had become as one branch on the same tree.

She sought to be, and was, his equal in the prowess of scholastic memory. She had honed such facility with the word: years of training from her father in the palace archives and later in the mind games invented by and played with her brother. She listened and transcribed, then gradually drew the Emperor into a web of new experience to which he readily succumbed, and the like of which he could have hardly imagined.

He wished to promote her to the first lady of his Purple Chamber. She declined, insisting he provide her with a court distant from his palace rooms, yet close to the Zu-lin gardens, a place of quiet, meditation and the study of astronomy.

She expected due recognition for one whose days moved closer to that age when a birthday is traditionally and lavishly celebrated. Her maid Mei-Lim would have already prepared the egg dishes associated with this special day.

Her brother Zuo-Si may have penned a celebratory ode, and later would visit her with his lute to caress his subtle words of invention. Your green eyes reflect a world apart Where into silence words are formed dew-like, Glistening as the sun rises on this precious day.

As a stony spring washes over precious jade, delicate fishes swim in its depths dancing to your reflection on the cool surface. No need of strings, or bamboo instruments When mountains and waters give forth their pure notes. Meanwhile Xi-Lu stirred on the coverlet reminding Zuo Fen that the day was advancing and he had received no attention or conversation.

It was whispered abroad that this lady spoke with her cat whom each afternoon would accompany his mistress on a walk through the adjacent gardens. Now returned they had worked in ever secret ways to serve their Emperor in his conflict against the war-lord Tang.

She would remove herself and her maid to a forest cabin: to lie in the dry mottled grass of summer and listen to the rustle of leaves, the chatter of birds, the sounds of insects and the creak-crack of the forest in the summer heat. She would plan a new chapter in her work as a poet and writer: she would be the pale girl no longer but a woman of strength and confidence made beautiful by good fortune, wise management and a generosity of spirit.

She would study the ways of the old. This short story with poetry introduces the world of Zuo Fen, one of the first female poets of Chinese antiquity. Clay Face Feb Fictional Fixedness. My leg hurts The jaws of this inhumane trap engulf my lower shin I have the tool to disarm it and free myself But I muttle in my adolescent egocentric pain Caught within monotonous routine and self interest I rot like my peers I've sunk to a level of self loathing, that I enjoy pulling myself down I Am Disgusting.

I Need Help. I cry for things I can give myself but alas I withhold it to feel sorry for myself Me and my fellow youth Equally as useful, equally as useless Although I am free of the crowd I am still blinded by my adolescence Purpose Interest Intellect Great-fullness Peacefulness Gen­erosity Love PURPOSE all I've know is I am here to be a vessel for knowledge and indoctrination I am here to have an opinion I voice, but does not matter.

I do not matter. This function is welded to me However The voice of destiny reasons with me again and I hear: Seek what's within Garrot it. Place yourself into the walls of meaning and the murals upon't Serve others in selflessness. Share with others in selflessness. Learn from others in selflessness.

Teach others in selflessness. Your a pawn in the samsara. Do your duty within its game. Gain higher consciousness so you can share the path to it. Become a giver, not a taker. Interest Intellect Great-fullness Peacefulness Genero­sity Love Six lessons left, define yourself within them.

Or perish within your self indulgent pitiful hole. Got a Tool lyric in there for those who like Tool Anyway This is the firt lesson of my ascension After more than some self reflection I thought I was ready to post a kind of collection of what I've found so far.

Obviously I haven't reached ascension yet. So it's kind of unfit to call this collection ascension. It's more of some lessons I've learned in self reflection and my path to ascension I want to pursue throughout my life.

Hope you take something away from this or be influence to write poetry yourself. Maybe do some of your own self reflection I don't know. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Sorry I am a quite person IRL so everything I vent here is pretty long. selflessness ego selfish selfloathing hatred learning learn intellect ascension purpose.

Walter W Hoelbling Dec generosity in hard times. in hard times especially those of us who can afford it should be generous unless we want to have tanks in our streets again soon. hardship generosity dictatorship. Peartini Feb For You Yes.

Thank you for the gift of saying yes to me today. It is an excess of generosity that you acquiesce to my request. But as soon as I would have you bound to my passion's content I would look to free you. As I feel so deeply for you, that a moment of your bind would be an eternity of concern for me.

You were not born to be bound a true Alpha. You: Confiner of my affection. Master of my body. Premier in my mind. North of my compass. Just know that appreciate your generosity toward me and have never taken your interest for granted. bound master generosity. TOD HOWARD HAWKS Aug A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.

I hope you enjoy A CHILD FOR AMARANTH. Chapter 1 Amaranth Anderson née Christensen was sitting in her chair at the kitchen table because she could feel another poem welling up inside her.

So she picked up her pen, turned to the next empty page in her notebook, and began to record. WE HAVE MINED OUR MOUNTAINS We have mined our mountains, we have fished our seas, we have felled our forests, we have gathered our grains, but we have not yet embraced the infinite energy of our souls, which is love.

Fitts, who was a renowned poet, literary critic, translator of Greek plays, and at that time, judge of the Yale Series of Younger Poets competition, assigned everyone in the class to write a poem that would be due the next day.

That night she had tried to write a poem. The poem she wrote was awful. The next day, she handed in her poem.

When Mr. Fitts handed back the poems several days later to her and her 11 classmates, she looked at the piece of paper. At the top of it was the number 50, a failing grade for sure, circled many times with red ink.

If this is yourself, be someone else. Amaranth had gone to law school after graduating from Columbia College, Columbia University where she and Ty, the man who was to become her husband, had met their first year there and seemed as if, almost instantly, had fallen in love.

So she dropped out, an act for which her father, an attorney himself, would never forgive her. Nonetheless, she returned to Sedona, Arizona, where she had grown up, and because her sleeplessness had not gotten any better, but, in fact, had gotten much worse, entered psychotherapy.

The problem was that she was slowly dying inside. Chronic insomnia was the first overt sign that she needed to begin to live her own life, and therapy was the catalyst to that end. She learned, in time, that she had her own dreams, her own needs, her own desires, her own wishes to be fulfilled.

In short, she had her own life to live. And that realization was when she became a poet. Her own feelings, which had been buried for years, began to emerge. And Amaranth found that when she married her feelings with her intellect, a poem would well up inside her, and, quite literally, pop out of her.

An unrecorded poem would evaporate virtually instantly. It would enter the ether, lost forever. After recording the poem, she put her pen on the notebook, got out of her chair, put on her light jacket, walked to the kitchen door, opened it, walked down the few stairs, then walked down the slight hill toward the creek that flowed behind her house.

It was soon to be spring and she wanted to see if the crocuses had begun to crack the earth that had been hardened by the cold winter. When Amaranth saw the burgeoning crocuses, she said hello to them.

They were her friends, her confidants. So spring was on its way, she thought. Pleased by that realization, Amaranth then turned around, walked back up the hill, and entered the house. Ty and Amaranth had gotten married in Sedona. Both had once visited Boulder, Colorado and vacationed in the mountains for two weeks.

As a result, they wound up going to a small town near Boulder called Niwot one evening to have dinner at a fine restaurant there. The next day, they returned to Niwot to look around. They both really liked Niwot, cozy and unpretentious as it was.

They made another visit there, and after much deliberation, decided to buy a house in Niwot and make it their home. Ty had secured a position at Fairview High School in Boulder as a teacher of American history, which had been his major at Columbia.

Both were 32 years old. Both Ty and Amaranth wanted to have a family, but though they had tried innumerable times to get Amaranth pregnant, they had not succeeded. Amaranth, too, had gone to several doctors to see if it were she who had a problem, but the doctors could find nothing wrong with her.

This dilemma perplexed both of them. And, in truth, Amaranth had begun to experience some low-level anxiety and depression over the situation. Chapter 2 Ty got home about He walked up behind Amaranth, who was standing in front of the kitchen sink, and gave her a kiss on her nape and a big hug. He was no fan of Trump.

She knew how Ty felt and how outspoken he had always been. She was actually proud of Ty for having the courage to speak his mind in all situations. Amaranth finished preparing dinner and brought the food to the dining room table.

She had prepared one of her favorite vegetarian meals. Both were vegetarians. It had been a most difficult year for Ty, having Trump every day lying and cheating. He remembered vividly watching on live, worldwide TV the Charlottesville riots, watching and listening to the neo-Nazis and the white supremacists screaming terrible chants at Jews and blacks, as well as hearing that some crazy racist had run over with his vehicle and killed a nonviolent female protester who favored love over hate.

These grotesque incidents sent Ty to bed for almost two days, he was so emotionally wrought. out of the Paris Agreement angered Ty, too. And to top it all off, Ty thought he was just flat-out dumb. I love you dearly. That night Ty and Amaranth made passionate love, then fell asleep peacefully.

That would be great. Thank you for your help. Rosenstein about her situation. She found she was not nervous telling Dr. Rosenstein everything about her situation.

The more she told Dr. Rosenstein, the more she relaxed. She spoke for a long time, virtually the entire fifty minutes, the usual length of a therapy session. If you begin to feel worse, tell me. If your anxiety and depression begin to worsen, I will prescribe for you the appropriate medications.

Is that OK? She got out of her chair and turned toward the door. Amaranth had called her best friend, Julie, the night before, asking her if she would like to have lunch today.

Julie had said yes, so Amaranth got into her car and drove to Parkway Diner. When Amaranth opened the door at the entrance to the Parkway Diner, she saw Julie sitting in a booth to the right.

Amaranth, even though she was not conscious of it, was very excited about her session with Dr. How are you doing after seeing a psychiatrist for an hour? I told him everything. I feel so much better than I did last night.

I take him to the public library every week. He just finished Tom Sawyer. Now he wants to read Huckleberry Finn.

Tommy likes to play outdoors. Julie felt uncomfortable to talk to Am about having kids for fear of making Am feel even worse about her predicament. They were best friends, so they could talk about anything, and did.

Amaranth still lay in bed half asleep. What had happened last night while she was asleep? Amaranth asked herself. That voice, that sound. What was that about? Amaranth lifted her head off her pillow, then sat on the edge of the bed. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before.

The voice. She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She took off her nightgown and took a shower. The voice in her sleep, what was it trying to say to me? she thought. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, then came back into the bedroom.

But it was, in its own way, real. One sentence. That was all it was. Amaranth got dressed and made her way into the kitchen. She looked out the window above the kitchen sink.

It was a beautiful day, the sun shining on everything. The sky was blue, the grass was green. The sunshine reflected off the water in the creek. She made some coffee and sat down in her kitchen chair and slowly took a sip.

She took another sip of coffee. The voice was not threatening, but it was sincere, earnest, she thought. She took another sip. Amaranth sat a long time at the kitchen table thinking about the voice and what it said, yes, what it said directly to her, it seemed.

Finally, she got up from the table, put on her light jacket, then opened the kitchen door, went down the few steps, and walked toward the crocuses and the creek. It was, indeed, a beautiful day. She sat down on the grass next to the burgeoning crocuses.

She began to tell the crocuses what had happened last night. As the sun rose higher in the sky, it got warmer. What a beautiful morning, she thought. She was half inclined to go back into the house and call him up to see if she might be able to see him that afternoon, but, no, she would wait until next Thursday, she decided.

She started to think about the world and all of its problems. What awful things to have to think about, she thought. But the whole world had to think about all these awful things, and correct them, otherwise Earth, and all the living creations on it, would die. Amaranth had to stop thinking about all these awful things herself.

It was too much for her, so she said good-bye to the crocuses and the creek, stood up, walked up the hill, and went inside her love-filled home. Chapter 5 Ty had already gotten out of bed, showered, got dressed, ate something for breakfast, and headed for Fairview High School where he had been teaching American history for ten years.

Chapter 6 Ty Anderson grew up in Knoxville, Tennessee. He was valedictorian of his high school graduating class and a National Merit Scholar. And he was charming and very handsome. Ty chose to attend Columbia over Yale for two reasons, simply: the Core Curriculum and New York City.

It was a start, a magnificent beginning, to a life of continual learning. New York City was the veritable capital of the world. Living in and exploring New York City for four years made each student a citizen of the world for life, even if one decided to reside somewhere else, as Amaranth and Ty had decided to do.

Ty majored in American history. Public high schools across the nation were infamous because the vast majority of them did an execrable job of teaching that subject. Ty knew this. He himself had to augment his studies of that subject. Both the entrepreneurs of the North and the slave owners of the South became incredibly rich.

Ty came to admire the abolitionists who fervently advocated against slavery. Ty learned that virtually every treaty signed between indigenous nations and the United States government, over time, had been broken by the United States government.

Chapter 7 Amaranth sat beside the crocuses. It was May now and the crocuses were fully grown. I wish the whole world was filled with beautiful crocuses. There would be no room for all these problems. She thought of Patty from her elementary school days. Patty was different from the other kids in the way she looked and in the way she acted.

Every day at school, it seemed, Patty would begin to scratch her calves and not stop, and because she always wore long, white socks to school, blood would begin to seep through them, staining them red.

The other kids would laugh at her. In eighth grade of junior high, Amaranth had been elected president of student council, and in the winter, Roosevelt Junior High would put on the Snow Ball. The Snow Ball was held on the basketball court.

All the boys stood together in one corner, all the girls were in another corner, and in the third corner stood Patty, alone, ostracized. The music had not yet begun and Amaranth was appalled by seeing Patty standing alone in her own corner, so when the music did start to play, Amaranth, without thinking about it, began to walk away from her group diagonally across the basketball court toward Patty.

Everyone was looking at Amaranth. When Amaranth reached Patty, she asked her if she would like to dance. Patty said she would, so Amaranth and Patty walked to the center of the basketball court and began to dance all by themselves. When the first song ended, Amaranth asked Patty if he would like to dance again, and Patty again said yes, so the two of them danced again while the rest of the class looked on.

And he is dumb as hell. The soup they had just finished was Chickpea Noodle Soup. Amaranth loved this time of day. She loved the ambiance of a real candle lit in the center of the dining room table that was always covered with a clean, white linen tablecloth.

I knew instantly that whoever this guy was, he should have been immediately disqualified from holding any political office, at any level, anywhere in the United States.

Then, again on worldwide TV, Trump mocked a disabled New York Times reporter. Ever since, whenever Trump appears on TV, I quickly press the mute button on the remote control and turn my face away from the TV screen.

I cannot bear to look at, or hear the voice of this extremely sick human being. How are things? Rosenstein, things are basically OK. My anxiety and depression are not as bad as they were.

I think seeing and talking with you made me feel more relaxed and more hopeful. It was not a scary voice. In fact, as I think back on it, it was a kind voice, almost the voice of wisdom. What do you think? Rosenstein paused for a few moments before he responded.

You say the voice did not scare you. And you said the voice was kind and wise. Rosenstein continued their session, talking about her writing poetry, her friendship with Julie, and her deep love for Ty, among other things.

When it came time to leave Dr. Amaranth smiled as she took the elevator to the main floor. Steamboat Springs has been our favorite for quite some time. We can stay in that old hotel downtown, The Bristol, away from the stifling commercial areas. We can leave Friday afternoon, go biking Saturday morning, go tubing on the Yampa in the afternoon, then sit in the hot springs as long as we want.

We can eat at Rootz. They have vegetarian dishes. That sounds wonderful! We can eat breakfast Sunday at the Creekside Cafe and take our time coming home. Amaranth and Ty, indeed, had a wonderful time in Steamboat Springs.

They arrived there about Friday evening, decided to eat breakfast at the Creekside Cafe Saturday morning, as well as on Sunday. Then they biked the many trails in and around Steamboat Springs, went tubing on the Yampa River in the afternoon, ate dinner at the Rootz, then enjoyed beautiful music at the Strings Music Festival.

It had been a beautiful day in the Rocky Mountains. Both Amaranth and Ty had fallen asleep soon after making love. But while Amaranth slept, that voice came to her again. The voice had a caring tone to it, a beneficent tone to it. She thought it best to tell only Dr.

Rosenstein if and until she and he could figure out its meaning. Chapter 11 Amaranth sat in her chair at her table in the kitchen. The summer sun was shining brightly through the kitchen windows.

She picked up her pen and began to write in her notebook. THE WORDS GIVE ME THEIR POETRY The words give me their poetry; their melodies play in my heart; their musicality rings in my ear.

I reach for nothing; they come to me of their own volition, making gifts of their inherent grace. The place they dwell is sacred; their provenance sacro- sanct.

I am but the blessed receiver of their beauty. Amaranth put her pen down and took a sip of coffee. She wanted to be a mother so much, but what could she do? She had gone to doctors who had checked her out, but they could not find anything wrong. Amaranth got up from the table and went outside to say hello to the crocuses, which, by now, were full grown.

Then, in two weeks, the perfume was gone. The beauty of life is seemingly transient, but death can leave a reservoir of beautiful memories, and we can treasure them for the rest of our lives.

Of course, as an American history major, Ty knew about the Great Depression thoroughly. The Dust Bowl, the soup lines, the staggering poverty, the pervasive unemployment, the New Deal, all the alphabet government agencies, Woody Guthrie. Ty wondered how much better life was now in than it had been in the s.

Ferguson with the landmark case in of Brown v. Board of Education, but look where we are now, thought Ty. Trump, Ty felt, personified racism in America. He had given tacit permission to millions of Americans to evince again their racist proclivities. Ty never could forget what he had seen on worldwide TV that night in Charlottesville.

How are you doing today? Rosenstein, I had the voice again, but it had a different message. It keeps me from getting overwhelmed. Rosenstein continued talking the rest of the session about the trip to Steamboat Springs and other things going on in her life.

She even read him the poems she had recently written. EVENING It will get dark soon. The white, yellow, and pink houses will turn grey, then black. The cacophony of car horns will turn into the chorus of locusts. Soporific silhouettes will soften the cityscape, allowing us to escape the frazzle of the hot day, exchanging the frenetic for the peaceful, the welter for a sense of well-being.

The susurrus of the evening breeze blows the exhaust of our polluted lives into a distant day. Children play in yards back and front and laughter wafts through neighborhoods like the sweet smell of barbecue, not the fetid odor of finance and foreclosures.

There is a sense of closure to this day. As the sun sets, our eyelids close, and we pray for the soft rain of forgiveness. TELL ME TRULY WHO YOU ARE Tell me truly who you are, not from afar, but to my ear. Do not fear: I shall not castigate, excoriate. Dissemble not: No equivocation, prevarication.

Is terror there, or guilt? Rage ablaze from needs unmet? Do unhealed hurts leave you reeling in a maelstrom of doubt? Open up your heart and let your agonies fly out. In gentle ways let us discuss dark places and shame, give name to those moments when mistreated, wanton cruelty misconstrued with worth of self.

Let light penetrate hate, mollify madness, assuage pain. Let your forthcoming, my love for your realness, heal us both. THERE ARE REASONS WHY There are reasons why some men are shy and women too, when wearing silk, lie on their beds alone and cry.

The rule first is to beware, when wearing silk, of men who stare or fingers touch; this much we know. WE EXPORT WHAT IS OF NO IMPORT Arms reach out to us from other continents and our own. Would we need not be so preoccupied by an arms race that we might embrace these children of different races with love?

I see faces laced with tears, fraught with fears; I cannot countenance the human hate that abets, not abates, this terror. Is it simply human error that we are more concerned with pork belly futures than the future of children with inflated bellies in distant and not-so-distant places?

Or do we mean to be mean? It disgraces me that this misery flourishes. We nourish our inflated sense of self-importance; and we export what is of no import.

I think your writing is a nice counterbalance to help you deal, even if unconsciously, with these cryptic messages you are receiving occasionally. Chapter 14 Ty wrote often on his Facebook page.

He was terribly smart, articulate, and unabashed — outspoken, to the max, if you will. A democracy, right? Our democracy is being taken for a long, long ride by Trump in the diametrically wrong direction, toward totalitarianism — fascism, if you like — not the democracy which we love.

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